


HP ideas

by Amara22



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24880591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amara22/pseuds/Amara22
Summary: I have a ton of half written HP stories so I'm just gonna dump them here. If anyone wants to continue any of the stories PM me.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 13
Kudos: 108





	HP ideas

**This is written based on DrawingBooks Louayokes 5 story Your love is a lie (All damn night).**

**I’m basing the relationship of James and Severus on her story but I’m also adding in time travel and a different plot. Basically I got inspired from her work.**

**Chapter one**

Severus Snape died after seeing the eyes of his best friend. 

As he gave her son his memories he ensured that a certain box in his mind stayed closed. The boy could never know. No one had ever known. The hatred he felt for James Potter had so much more to do with just jealousy. 

The type of hatred that Severus Snape held for James could only be held by someone who had loved him. No one can ever hate someone the way someone who once loved them can. Love and hate were a very fine line after all.

Their affair began in sixth year. Severus had no idea what happened but one moment they were shouting and arguing and the next they were all over each other. It became a regular thing. They would meet up in an old classroom and have sex. 

However the bullying never stopped. James finally got Lily to say yes and Severus had been his side piece. Severus never believed that James would choose him over Lily. He knew that James didn’t love him the way he had loved him. 

Severus broke off their relationship before James Potter could take any more of his soul. He joined the death eaters because he had no-where else to go. 

Then that blasted prophecy had come into play. 

Lily was the only friend he ever had and he was a fucking shitty friend to her. 

He insulted her when she tried to help him.

He slept with her boyfriend behind her back.

He delivered her death warrant to the Dark Lord.

He couldn’t save James Potter. No one could ever know of the relationship that they once shared. He asked for Lily’s life instead. She would hate him but then again she already did. He just needed her to live. He couldn’t have fucked up that badly. But he had and he tried so hard to fix his mistakes.

James Potter would never have chosen him. He always knew that but Severus had ruined his own life. Then the boy lived. Severus hated Harry Potter. He hated everything that the boy represented and the boy represented his best friend who chose to marry his tormentor and birthed his child.

The same tormentor whose charms he had fallen for. The man he loved and the only woman who had ever believed that he was capable of being something better. His actions doomed them both. It was his own personal hell to see the boy. The boy who looked like James but held Lily’s eyes, the proof of their love, the love that had been denied to him.

Then again they had both gone off to live their happily ever after without him.

Severus may have left James but that was because he knew that James never would have left him. He enjoyed having them both. He loved the idea that he had so much power over Severus Snape. Severus left because he couldn’t stomach being a fuck toy. He had loved James and he was sure that there was a part of James that loved him too.

However Severus didn’t fit the picture. He wasn’t perfect like Lily. Everyone expected the golden couple. James was supposed to be half of the golden couple. There was no place in his life for Severus Snape. 

Now it was finally over. James had taken their secret to the grave and now so would he. The boy would never know about the relationship he shared with his father. He only needed to know that he had been devoted to Lily. He had tried to be a better friend to her in her death but there was always a part of his heart that knew if there had been the slightest of chances he would have taken James from her.

Severus Snape finally let go of a life filled with bitterness, anger and regret.

_ There’s no time to waste _ _  
_ _ in this famous goodbye _ _  
_ _ There’s angels landing on the shore _

_ So lay down with me _ _  
_ _ Let the river run dry _ _  
_ _ It’s Sunday in the six-day war _

_ Smile darling don’t be sad _ _  
_ _ Stars are going to shine tonight _

_ Tell me where the good men go _ _  
_ _ Before I wash away _ _  
_ _ Walk me down the old brick road _ _  
_ _ So I can die where I met you _

Severus gasped for breath as he sat up in his bed. The sound was so haunting, the melody stuck in his head. He remembered so much. His head felt it was bursting open. The sound of the song thundered in his ears, it overrode everything, every other sound was drowned out as he struggled against the covers.

Severus embraced the darkness that covered his eyes. There was too much in his mind. Everything hurt too much. His body shut down. He awoke again several hours later only to find himself in the Slytherin dorms. He checked the date and found that it was 1977. 

If you wanted to be really specific it was the day after he dumped James Potter. He initially spent the rest of the year integrating himself with the other death eater recruits. He kept far away from the Gryffindors and the rest of the general population. He didn’t want to see James and Lily together now, bloody Merlin he knew so much.

Severus didn’t feel like a nearly forty year old man. He felt like he had read a book on his entire life. He could remember certain points in his life very clearly. He supposed that those were the moments when he had felt very strongly and very deeply. 

He remembered what it felt like to cradle a dead Lily Potter. He remembered the terror and pain at being a spy. He remembered how he had mourned for James Potter and the love that he had never truly returned to him. James had showered Lily with his affection, desire and love while Severus had been left to scramble for the crumbs.

The wound that had been inflected upon his heart by James Potter had been bleeding for twenty years. It had scabbed over and he had shoved it into a box but he never opened himself up in the same way ever again. It was a dull ache that he felt every day. The same ache he felt in his bones right now.

Severus remembered learning occlumency so he tried to see if he could still do it. He spent the rest of the day organizing his mind and his shields. Once he was done he slid into the routine of Hogwarts. They were three months into their final year at Hogwarts. He had roughly six months to gather every bit of information he could and disappear.

He may not have been the man who killed Albus Dumbledore atop of the astronomy tower but he couldn’t stand the sight of the castle. This place had been his prison. He had been haunted by the memories of James and Lily for twenty years. Then there was the nightmare year that he had been headmaster. He had hated living every single one of those days.

He didn’t care if he somehow had become a seer. He didn’t care if death or magic or Merlin himself had somehow thrown his soul back in time. He wanted out. He wanted no part of the magical war. He wanted no part of the death eaters or the Order of Phoenix. He would serve no more masters. He never wanted to see James Potter ever again.

James and Lily could once more go on to live their happily ever after so long as he was finally granted peace. He would only know peace if Voldemort was killed. He would need to let Albus know about the horcruxes now and the rest of it would be his problem.

He knew that there was one inside the castle but he didn’t know where. The Potter boy had come back to Hogwarts to retrieve the final horcrux. However he did know where one was and Lucius Malfoy would be marrying Narcissa Black over Christmas break.

Severus remembered why he broke up with James. He had invited Lily to meet his parents over Christmas break and she had accepted. It was then that he realized that Lily would be paraded in front of the masses. She would hold onto his arm as they walked through Hogsmead and Diagon Ally. He would take her home with him to meet his parents. 

Severus would always be pushed into the shadows. They would meet under the cover of darkness. James would keep him and fuck him in abandoned classrooms and broom closets but never his bed. He would live the rest of his life as Potters dirty little secret. The knowledge had made him sick and it affirmed his decision to end their affair. 

Two days before Christmas break he ended his relationship with James. He had watched Lily and James ride a carriage together and get picked up by the Lord and Lady Potter. He in turn walked over to Lucius Malfoy and he spent Christmas break in Malfoy manor. He had met many death eaters and he tried to make as many connections as he could.

He had managed to make a favorable impression and at the end of the year he was taken to an initiation ceremony. He had no real value as a seventeen year old but Lucius had managed to get him a potions master that was willing to apprentice him. Once he got his mastery at the age of nineteen he had taken the mark. Afterwards well he ended up in a very screwed up position.

Severus Snape didn’t show his face until it was time to leave. He waited until the last minute before getting into the very last carriage and he didn’t have to share it. This time he didn’t see Lily and James walking hand in hand as they walked towards their future.

Malfoy Manor was just as impressive as he remembered it to be. Abraxas Malfoy had already passed away but Lucius would only become Lord Malfoy once he married. He knew that after the honeymoon Lucius appeared in front of the Dark Lord and took the mark. He wondered if there was some way to save Lucius from the madness of the Dark Lord.

In his memories Lucius had been relieved once He was gone. Lucius was never as vicious or as bloodthirsty as the other death eaters. He was prejudiced against muggles and muggleborns but so long as they stayed away from him he was willing to leave things as they were.

Narcissa had been cold towards the entire war. All she ever wanted was a family. However due to the war and the Malfoy reputation they had limited themselves to just producing an heir.

Narcissa had despaired for years that Lucius refused to have more children. He always suspected that he would return. Lucius didn’t want to risk more children. In the end he had been right to fear for his children. The Malfoy name would have been dragged through the mud in twenty years or so.

Severus spent the two weeks wandering the manor. He ensured that any conversations about the Dark Lord, who they were recruiting and who was spying in the ministry had been overheard by him. He had twenty years as a spy to draw on knowledge from.

He placed journals that would record conversations based on key phrases in certain rooms in the manor. It was a version of a protean charm that he had invented in the future which helped with his information gathering abilities. On the day of the wedding he stole the Dark Lord’s dairy from the shelf in the library.

The book had initially been given to Abraxas Malfoy who in turn told his son that it had been gifted to him by the Dark Lord. Lucius had never known what the book was and hid it in plain sight. 

Severus wasn’t sure how to destroy it but he figured that giving it to Dumbledore would be enough. Albus told him that he had suspected for years that He had done something to ensure he could escape death. Every time the two wizards faced each other He had boasted this fact. He just never knew what had been done and now he would be brought up to speed sooner rather than later.

When Severus returned to Hogwarts he drew several memories from his mind. The journals had recorded several death eater conversations about attacking muggles, people they were targeting and people who were passing on information from the ministry. 

He added a few notes on people that they hadn’t spoken about but he saw in his visions as being recruited. He also added a note that Abraxas Malfoy had been gifted the journal but Bellatrix had also been given a personal gift on her wedding day. He didn’t know what it was or where it was but it was already in her possession.

He placed everything in a box, ensuring that the dairy was wrapped in a cloth and had a school owl deliver it to the Headmaster. He knew that he would be called up and he waited. A few days passed and all Severus did was study. 

He spent most of his time in his dorm or in the common room. He made sure to butter up his roommates whenever he could as well. He made sure that he was never in the same place as James for very long. He kept his occlumency shields up at all times and didn’t look in his direction.

A week passed and Professor McGonagall gave him detention during transfiguration. He wasn’t sure exactly what he did wrong but he heard Sirius Black chuckling and James couldn’t care less. When he reported to her office for detention he wasn’t all that shocked to find Dumbledore waiting for him. 

When Dumbledore asked why Severus rolled his eyes, “I don’t care about blood or the war. I don’t care if you and you-know-who kill each other in the middle of Diagon ally. I don’t care if the Gryffindors and Slytherins massacre each other in the Great Hall. I don’t care about anyone in this school because none of you give a damn about whether I live or not. However they want me to choose a side. I will not be slave.”

Dumbledore looked horrified and Snape just sneered at him, “You showed me that my life is worth nothing compared to Black and Potter. I realized that the magical world isn’t worth it. My mother was right to leave it behind. I will keep attending meetings because if I do not they will kill me. I don’t have a choice. I don’t have anything to barter with in return for neutrality.”

Professor McGonagall shot Dumbledore a look that said they were going to be having words once Snape left but he just carried on talking, “I will not take the mark. I will gather as much information as I can then I will disappear. In return you will remove any record of me.”

Dumbledore gathered himself and frowned, “What do you mean?”

Snape rolled his eyes, “There will be other gatherings. I will give you everything that I see and hear. You will use your considerable power to wipe the record of Severus Snape from the ministry. They have my address I want you to make it go away. Any record of me must not exist.”

Professor McGonagall stared at him, “You will spy for us?”

Snape nodded once, “Just until the year is over. We don’t do much until after our initiation ceremony so I’m safe until graduation.”

Dumbledore agreed and Severus spent the next few months up to his neck in pureblood politics. He listened to every rumor, he dug for every bit of information that he could find and when he wasn’t welcomed he did his best to overhear.

A few days after his honeymoon Lucius met him in Hogsmead. Lucius had returned and realized that the book was missing. He was terrified that the Dark Lord would find out and punish him. Severus did the only thing he could do. He suggested that Lucius put the manor on lockdown and not come back until after the war.

Lucius looked horrified and Snape just shrugged. The Dark Lord didn’t expect him back for a few weeks. Narcissa wanted children and a large family. He wasn’t marked but once he was then he would never be free. If the Dark Lord failed then he would be dragged through the mud. 

The book had been given to Abraxas and if Lucius left then he wouldn’t be held responsible. As far as he knew the book was locked away in the manor. Once you lock down a manor nothing could force it open. He would never know it was missing if Lucius wasn’t around. However if he stayed then it was possible that he would realize that it was missing.

In the end Lucius would always be a coward. He would save his arse over anything else. When Lucius left Hogsmead he was sure that he wouldn’t be seeing his friend for a very long time. Then again if he stayed out of the war then maybe he wouldn’t end up so miserable.

A few more months later and NEWTS were upon them. Severus saw James and Lily once cuddled together under a tree. He spun on his heel and fled back to the dungeons hoping that this would just bloody end. This was hell he decided. He had died and gone straight to hell.

He attended his last gathering and managed to get a glimpse of Peter Pettigrew at a gathering. He smiled in relief that he finally managed to catch the rat at one of the meetings. Severus had been attending more meetings than usual. The other seventh years didn’t come as often since they didn’t get to do anything.

They had to sneak out of Hogwarts or they would sneak out during a Hogsmead weekend. Dumbledore knew what they were doing but he never managed to catch them. He also didn’t want to expel them because it meant that he would lose his advantage of being able to watch them. If he were to expel them now all he would be doing is accelerating their marking.

Most of the seventh years went to learn some curses and listen in on the movements. They liked to train in dueling and dark magic. They also got the chance to be told where they needed to placed to move the movement forward. However they couldn’t go to every meeting held. Snape went to every meeting he could without becoming overly eager.

Once he finished his final NEWT he didn’t bother waiting for the graduation ceremony. Technically the students were free to leave as soon as exams were over. He delivered the last box of memories to Dumbledore and left Hogwarts under the cover of the night. 

Severus used the shrieking shack as a means of escape. He hadn’t even bothered to tell Dumbledore he was leaving. There was no way he was going to let the old coot try to manipulate him into staying and spying for him. 

He apparated to Spinners End and smiled when he saw the old worn down house. 

He had hated this place but now it was a safe haven compared to Hogwarts and the memories that haunted him in those walls. The memories of his father would be easily replaced once he sorted out the house. He would need a pet project. Severus never liked to be idle for long.

**Chapter two**

A week after he left Hogwarts Severus stared at himself in the mirror. He never took care of his appearance mostly because everyone had already made their thoughts about him known. Now though he was free of them all and he could be someone entirely different.

Severus fixed his hooked nose first. He shrunk down his nose so it fit his face and smiled once he realized what a difference it made. Without his nose taking up most of his face you could see his eyes and his lips. In comparison to nose his eyes always seemed too tiny and his lips too thin now everything was proportionate to his face.

His features were rather plain and the long hair made him seem dirty. It was tradition in the Prince family to have long hair for males. It was the only part of her upbringing that his mother could give to him. Now Severus just didn’t care. His parents were both dead. There was no one he had to please and there was no one he had to prove anything too.

Severus cut off his hair. He cropped the sides short and left it a little long on the top. It made him look normal. There was nothing about him that ever really stood out. He had dark hair and dark eyes. His lips were a little thin and he was pale and a little boney. 

He needed a job because he needed money especially if he wanted to eat. Severus remembered a place that he visited as an adult. It was a muggle fight club. Spinners End was the home of murderers and thieves. Many of them were gang members or drug dealers. This was the type of place where crime was the only way to get paid.

There was a place where you could earn money for fighting. It was illegal but the money was good. He eyed his arms for a moment. He would need to build up some muscle. Severus had tutored basically the entire Slytherin house during exams in Potions, DADA and Runes. He had managed to earn a small fortune ripping off those purebloods.

The rather large sack of galleons wouldn’t last forever but it would last long enough for him to buy some potion ingredients. Severus warded his house and made it disappear from muggle sight. He started his own garden for ingredients and owl ordered everything he needed. It cost less than he expected but it would do for now.

He brewed muscle strengtheners, bone strengtheners and nutrient potions that would help combat his malnutrition from childhood. He started working out religiously and built up his muscle so he wouldn’t end up dead. In the cage if you die, then you die. They toss your body into an ally and leave you to rot. He needed to ensure that he would be able to hold his own.

When he wasn’t brewing, working out or tending to the garden he started fixing up the house. There were plenty of spells that would make this place into a real home. He was determined to make this place a home that was livable.

Four months later he became a fighter in the club. It didn’t have a name but he earned enough off the fights not to need to find another muggle job. He tattooed his back with the words ‘Only God can judge me’ across his shoulders. He was technically a criminal but he wasn’t a death eater. No one could judge him. He was making do with he had.

He added in the image of a persons hands clasped in prayer and a rosary hanging from the hands. He didn’t know why but he just loved the image. It filled him with a sense of peace.

To become a potions master one had to apprentice under a master. However there was a little known fact that there was another way. The Potions Masters guild put together a challenge and whomever passed the challenge would hold the title of Potions Master.

The test was beyond difficult, delving deep into theories with complexities that would make an aspiring potions master wet themselves. Then one would have to create three of their own potions again potions that only another potions master would be able to brew.

After Severus fixed his house and bought new furniture and new clothes he decided it was time to undertake the task of becoming a Potions Master. He was done within six months. They kept his induction quiet as per his request. Severus was once more free to brew and experiment.

He managed to wrangle out a contract with St. Mungo’s. The magical world was in the middle of a war and they needed potions. One can only brew so quickly which meant they were searching for other sources of potions. He knew that the cure for Dragon Pox would only be invented in the 1980’s by him and another potions master who he consulted with.

He had used the cure as part of his mastery and had refused to let them release his name to the public. He didn’t want anyone to come looking for him. He brewed for the hospital under the name Colin John. They paid Gringotts and the goblins delivered batches of potions to them monthly.

This was the closest he had ever come to peace.

Then there was Adrianna Pierce. 

Technically she was his neighbor but he soon realized that she could still see the house even though it had muggle repelling charms on it. He brewed a heritage potion and it revealed that she was a squib from the Shafiq family. They were part of the scared twenty eight but they had disappeared. 

Adrianna’s mother had died in childbirth. Her father remarried and she grew up here in Spinners End. Severus knew that her mother had probably been oblivated and sent to a muggle orphanage. Adrianna wasn’t a witch but she could see his magic.

She had so many bloody questions that he told her everything. He had been lonely he supposed and she listened. She never judged him or said a word against him. She simply said that he knew what he done was wrong and tried to fix it. What he did with his life after wasn’t anyone’s business.

Adrianna was a year younger than him and still in muggle school. Her half-brother was a fifteen year old drug addict that tried to sell his sister for a fix. Spinners End was no stranger to parents who didn’t care and children that were even more fucked up than their parents.

Adrianna ran and Severus let her move in. He didn’t see the harm in it. Besides she managed to stay clean in this place. She did her homework and she wanted to be better than this place. He got her a job serving tables at the club. She would need money and there were no good places of employment that would take workers from Spinners End.

Severus was known as Serpent amongst the other fighters. You may know their real name but it was always best to never say your name out loud. One too many times he caught sight of a drunken patron trying to feel up Adrianna and during his temper tantrum he threw a guy out the window. 

Afterwards he transfigured her a silver serpent necklace. It was at least a centimeter thick and it wrapped around her throat like a collar. It had cold blue gems for eyes and no one dared touch her when she wore it. The serpent she wore was proof that she belonged to him. No one wanted to be on the wrong end of his wrath.

Adrianna wore it more often than not. The silver serpent coiled around her neck and her mothers rosary was a rather odd pairing. The rosary was the only thing she had left of her mother. It was her most prized possession. Severus designed the rosary tattooed on his back after the one she wore around her neck. He didn’t believe like she did but her faith was inspiring. 

The boys at her school knew about the club. They whispered the names of the fighters in fear. Everyone knew that death matches could take place at any time. Severus wasn’t afraid to kill his opponents. They were all members of the gangs in the area. You knew what you were signing up for when you walk into the cage. It wasn’t always a death match but it could be requested of anyone of them.

The first time Adrianna walked into school with the snake collar around her neck she forgot about it. She worked a late shift and woke up late on Monday morning. She shoved a piece of toast into her mouth as she ran out the door. She pulled her long brown hair into a bun and stuffed her feet into her shoes.

She grabbed one of Severus’s leather jackets with the serpent emblem on it and pulled it on. Then she sprinted to school. Her friends shot her wide eyed looks as they stared not at her brown eyes but at what was still around her neck. She never took off the necklace.

People at school parted for her like the red sea before Moses. No one came near her in fear of what the collar meant. Most people assumed she was sleeping with him. Adrianna knew that Sev was gay, in love with someone who had broken his heart and only keeping her around because he was lonely.

She was actually sort of his bratty younger sister. He treated her like family. It was nice and they had a good relationship. She even got him to tattoo her name across his collar bone. Technically he lost a bet when they were betting on fights but no one else knew that. All they saw was her name on him.

Adrianna was the only person who had offered Severus unconditional support. She understood him unlike Lily who had never suffered a day in her life. Lily was a good friend. She tried to understand him and she truly believed that he was capable of goodness but she never understood that he would always be dangerous.

He had grown up in Spinners End. Violence, drugs and abuse were things that he had seen on a daily basis. His moral compass wasn’t as black and white as hers. Lily didn’t live in the shades of grey. Adrianna was just like him. She understood what it meant to make the hard choices. 

She knocked out a full grown man with a tire iron when he tried to touch her. She had been ten years old when it happened. This was a place where the ruthless survived. She understood that sometimes someone had to make the tough decisions and get their hands dirty. Lily never understood that.

Adrianna was like a breath of fresh air. He didn’t have to lie or hide anything from her. He didn’t have to try to be better or change parts of himself to make her comfortable. They understood each other on a level that no one else did. They had survived abuse and violence without letting it consume them.

It wasn’t long after his nineteenth birthday he thought about them again. He wondered if James and Lily were going to get married. It happened previously sometime this year but without the prophecy he wasn’t sure what was happening in the war. 

He had warned several families that they were going to be targeted. He revealed Peter as a spy and it was because of him that so many members of the Order died. He didn’t know what the war was looking like and even though he was curious he still didn’t want any part of it.

Severus walked through the streets towards the club when he felt it. Someone was watching him and he could feel their eyes on him. He wondered if it were opponents from the cage fights or if it was some of the younger teens that hung around the club. 

They only allowed you inside if you were of age. That was the only rule to enter the club. The girls they let in at sixteen. Fighters had to be eighteen.

He ignored the feel of the eyes on him. He hadn’t been in contact with anyone of substance since he left Hogwarts. St. Mungo’s didn’t even know who their brewer was and the potions guild had not written to him in ages. He hadn’t released any of his research yet. 

There were yells and cheers when he entered. He kept a blank face as he pulled off the jacket and shirt. Adrianna wasn’t working tonight so he wouldn’t linger after his fight. He usually stayed as he waited for her shift to end. 

Severus entered the cage and he could feel the eyes on him again. He glanced through the crowd and saw nothing unusual. He ignored the feeling and focused on his opponent.

The fight had been bloody and ugly. It lasted twenty minutes but he was able to win without any serious injuries. He spat the blood out of his mouth and walked over to his clothes. He would heal himself with magic when he got home. 

Severus felt his eyes widen as he felt someone stand behind him. He frowned when he realized that he recognized that presence. He pulled on his shirt but didn’t bother to button it up as he turned around. 

“What are you doing here Potter?” questioned Severus.

James stared at him. The shirt was short-sleeved and his eyes widened as he caught sight of bare arms. Snape snorted as he extended his arm, “Auror Potter as you can see I do not have the dark mark so am I free to go?”

James frowned at him, about to say something when he caught sight of his collarbone. Severus remembered that he had Adrianna’s name tattooed there and James was looking at him like he wanted to burn it off.

A thrill shot through his heart. There was a sense of satisfaction to see the discomfort that her name brought to the great James Potter. He was jealous and for a precious moment Severus felt like had won until he realized that James had always been possessive. He didn’t like to share anything with anyone. It didn’t mean the same thing to him.

James didn’t speak so Severus buttoned his shirt and pulled on his jacket. 

A woman dressed in a hot pink bra and thong with a net thrown over it appeared and grinned at him, “Serpent gonna take me up on my offer?”

Sugar was a waitress in the club. She was also the one who delivered winnings to the fighters. Severus could see his money in the envelope that she had in her hands. She also spent a lot of time flirting with anything that moved.

Severus smiled at her, “Sorry now Sugar, you know I don’t touch.”

The woman pouted, “You know little Anna wouldn’t mind. I’m sure she would like to watch.”

Snape was feeling vindictive especially since Potter was just bloody standing there like he was part of the furniture. He didn’t know what James wanted and he didn’t care. He just wanted to hurt him even if it was only a little bit.

Severus kissed her, all tongue and swallowed her moans. He pulled away and tucked the envelope into his pocket, “I’ll talk to Anna. Maybe she would.”

He walked past James and out the club door. It didn’t take long for James to catch up to him, “What was that?”

Severus stopped and looked at him. He was wearing formal looking shoes and pants. His turtle neck sweater looked like it belonged in Malfoy’s wardrobe. He was dressed like a stylish muggle and everything about him screamed rich boy. Severus couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips.

“What are you doing here dressed like a rich boy?” he replied in between chuckles.

James looked confused as he looked around and frowned, “I don’t understand. I saw you when I was in the convenience store. At least I thought it was you. You look different.”

Severus finally stopped laughing, “Potter this is Spinners End. This is an entirely different place compared to where Lily lives.”

James looked confused and Severus lost all patience, “This is where I grew up Potter amongst the thieves and murderers and drug dealers. Nearly every person here carries a knife or a gun. This place is crawling with criminals. I make money at an illegal fight club. Police don’t even come here. Rich boys who can’t protect themselves get eaten alive here. Go back to Lily and don’t come back here.”

James just grabbed his arm, “What are you doing here?”

Severus frowned, “Not everyone is born with a vault to their name Potter. My home is here. I live here in the muggle world.”

James shook his head, “Why aren’t you one of them? Why are you living here? Why are doing this for money?”

Severus just raised an eyebrow, “You don’t seriously think I’m a blood purist Potter do you?”

James looked ashamed, “If you didn’t agree then why did you want to join him?”

Severus laughed at him. It was a cold laugh that sent shivers down his spine, “I am a half-blood. I hated my muggle father because he hated my magic. I believed that my mother would have been better off being beaten in a manor rather than living in this filth. They promised me power and I realized it was bullshit. They don’t care about anything. He just wants to watch the world burn.”

James moved to say something but Severus took a step back, “I don’t want any part of the war. Go away Potter. Go back to perfect Lily and your perfect life. I’m good with what I’ve got.”

James frowned, “What exactly do you have Snape?”

Severus spread his arms out, “Freedom Potter. I am no ones slave. They don’t know where I am and I have no contact with anything to do with the people we went to school with.”

James wanted to say something but there was nothing left to say. Severus Snape had been a wanna be death eater. Everyone in school knew that he had a fascination with the Dark Arts. Everyone knew that once he finished school he would end up on the other side of the war. Everyone was wrong. He had been wrong.

The whole situation with Snape had been so fucked up. He didn’t know what it was about the other man that drove him so crazy. No one in the world could trigger him the way Severus could. There had been so much passion between them but he was a dark wizard. 

He was everything that James wasn’t allowed to have. Now they were standing in the muggle world and Severus Snape had made an entirely different life for himself. He did not bow to peoples expectations of who he was supposed be.

James said nothing as Severus Snape walked away from him. He resisted the urge to scream because Severus seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Severus walked out of their classroom and away from their screwed up relationship. He walked away from Hogwarts before graduation. Now he was here walking away from him because he didn’t want anything to do with him. 

James had come here initially to ask Lily’s parents for permission to propose to her. He had stopped by the store to pick up some flowers for Rose Evans when he saw Severus walking pass the store. At first he wasn’t sure if it was him. He looked so different now.

Severus was tall but not as tall as him. His hair had been cut short and his shoulders were broader. His body was lean and strong in a way that he wasn’t when they were in school and he wasn’t pale anymore. He didn’t walk hunched in on himself and he was almost smiling. He seemed happy.

James watched the fight and he nearly choked when he saw the tattoos on his back. He looked so sexy so confident and in control. James wanted to devour him until he caught sight of his collarbone. There was a womans name inked onto his skin. 

James was bisexual but he never asked Severus if he was gay or bi. He just assumed that he would be the only person who wanted him. Then again he had been a vain prat when he was in school. James walked into an ally and apparated home. He was supposed to talk to Lily’s parents but he wasn’t in the right mind to do anything right now.

Lily was currently still living with her parents. She refused to move in until they were engaged. James was still in Potter manor. His parents had a nasty scare with dragon pox but due to whoever invented the cure his parents were still around. He didn’t have to rush the wedding since they weren’t sick anymore. Fleamont Potter had activated the war wards on Potter Manor in their seventh year.

Dumbledore had many families put up war wards on their manors that year. There were a lot of failed death eater attempts due to his quick thinking. Dumbledore found out about the dark mark and there had been a purging of all death eaters from the ministry. 

Peter had been caught with the mark and he fled. James still didn’t know how the headmaster had found out but the betrayal had stung deeply. James had no idea what to do with everything that he learned about Severus today. In fact, he didn’t want to remember anything at all. 

**Chapter three**

Three days passed since his meeting with Severus and James tried to figure out what he was doing with his life. He had gone to the auror academy because he wanted too. His father had been an auror and with the war and everything that was happening he wanted to help people. James wanted to make a difference. He even joined the Order of Phoenix with Remus and Sirius.

He was dating Lily Evans. She had been the most beautiful girl in their year with her long red hair and emerald green eyes. She was clever and witty and stubborn. He liked Lily and probably loved her but it was easy to love Lily Evans. He was pretty sure that anyone who met her would fall a little bit in love with her. 

The two of them together made so much of sense. Everyone told them that they were the perfect couple. Since they started dating neither one of them had any explosive fights. Lily’s temper had cooled down and she didn’t really have anything to complain about. He was a good boyfriend. He was attentive and kind and compassionate. Being together as a couple was easy.

James chased Lily because she never made anything easy. Now everything between them was just easy. The thrill of the chase had worn off but he couldn’t decide if he loved her or not. Well he definitely loved her but he couldn’t decide if he was in love with her or the idea of her.

When he thought about Lily he could clearly see their future together. They would get married, have a bunch of kids, he would stay in the ministry and she would be a housewife while working on her charms mastery. They decided that she would wait until after the war to become an apprentice. It was just too dangerous right now.

It seemed like the perfect life but it wasn’t what he wanted. James couldn’t decide if he didn’t want to get married now because he wasn’t ready or if it was because he didn’t want to marry Lily. When he thought about not marrying Lily his thoughts basically came to a halt.

If he wasn’t with Lily then who would he be with?

His mind instantly flashed to a man with dark hair and dark eyes.

He tried not scream in frustration but it didn’t work well. James picked up a picture of him and Lily and tossed it at the wall. No one knew about Severus or the relationship that they shared. Men could carry children if they took certain potions. You had to cut the baby out of the bearers stomach. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t impossible.

There was no reason as to why he couldn’t have a male partner. The problem everyone would have was the fact that it was Severus Snape he wanted. James wasn’t even sure if he wanted Severus. It wasn’t like their relationship in Hogwarts had included a lot of talking. 

They shagged all over the castle but he didn’t know anything about the other man. His chance meeting with him in Spinners End just proved how little he had ever known about Severus. James didn’t know what he wanted even though he had the most perfect girl in the world at his side. The answer should have been easy but he didn’t know why he was hesitating. 

“Are you alright my son?” asked Euphemia.

The woman had chestnut colored hair, streaked with grey and honey brown eyes. She was had laugh lines on her face and her eyes twinkled with wisdom. There was also a twinkle of mischief in her eyes.

“How did you know that dad was the one?” asked James.

He immediately knew that his face was burning but he couldn’t help it. His mind was so messed up right now that he didn’t know which way was up. He was questioning so many decisions and most of those decisions included Lily and their future together.

Euphemia walked into her sons room and picked up the picture that he had thrown against the wall, “She’s a nice girl. You make a wonderful couple.”

James looked miserable as he heard his mothers words and she smiled at him, “I didn’t know that your father was the one. At least not at first.”

James looked at her in shock and Euphemia laughed, “We were young once James. We had our own love story. We met in school and when I was sixteen my parents asked me to pick a suitor. Fleamont had not asked for my hand. The Potters didn’t want to force their son into a marriage so he didn’t ask anyone. I chose someone else. I chose Alexander Prewitt.”

“Who?” 

It was the first thing that popped into his head and he couldn’t help but blurt out the question. Euphemia patted the bed next to her and had James come sit down beside her, “Alex was not the heir to the Prewitt family but a first cousin. He was killed in the war with Grindelwald but that was after I broke off our engagement.”

James just stared at her, “I don’t understand.”

Euphemia smiled at him with knowing eyes, “Alex and I were well suited. We didn’t get along as children but I chose him because at the time I knew him best. It wasn’t a marriage contract or anything that was written in stone. My parents just wanted me to look into courting someone. I didn’t like him as a child but I knew his character. He was loyal, funny and charming when he wasn’t being stubborn. There was a part of me that admired him.”

“Was that the reason you chose him?” asked James.

Euphemia nodded, “I trusted him even though I didn’t particularly like him. I knew he would not get angry or try to take advantage of me or hurt me if we chose to end the courting. When we met again we weren’t children anymore. He had grown up and well I could see myself with someone like him. He was a very loyal man. He was a family orientated person and he wanted lots of children. We were a well matched pair.”

James wanted to say something but his mother seemed to be lost in her memories, “It was easy being with him. It was almost like a fairy tale and everyone who saw us together gushed over how well matched we were. I fancied myself in love with him after a few months. I planned my wedding to him and thought about our future often.”

James frowned, “What happened?”

Euphemia sighed, “I met your father again. It was a few weeks before my engagement would become official and we had been out of Hogwarts for about three years or so. Your father and I were working on a business venture between our families. We argued terribly over everything but being with each other was magnetic. It was like I wanted to rip him apart and climb inside him.”

“Mum!” cried James and she laughed.

“I’m sorry James but the truth was your father drove me absolutely nuts. No one could get on my nerves faster than him. I never felt more alive in those moments either. Alex came to see me one day and Fleamont and I were arguing. He ended our engagement. He said that I was already half-way in love and I couldn’t even see it. I protested and told him I loved him but Alex looked me dead in the eye and told me that while I loved him, I wasn’t in love with him.”

James wanted to groan, “What does that even mean?”

Euphemia patted his hand, “There are different types of love my son. I loved Alex but I was in love with your father. He challenged me, my beliefs and thoughts and he tied me in so many knots I wanted to throttle him. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it. We never stopped challenging each other. We keep surprising each other.”

James took the picture of him and Lily from her hands and he just stared at the picture.

“I don’t know what I want anymore.”

Euphemia patted his hands, “Then take some time to figure it out. You’re still young James and your father and I aren’t going anywhere any time soon. Be sure James. If you have questions then don’t make any permanent decisions.”

James couldn’t help but frown, “What about Lily?”

Euphemia kissed her sons forehead and replied, “Lily is a wonderful girl and she deserves to be happy. She deserves to be with someone who doesn’t doubt how much he loves her. If you make your decision and find that in ten years you regret your decision then you would have stolen from that girl ten years that she could have spent with someone else.”

James looked wide eyed at his mother and she smiled, “I missed Alex dearly once he ended our relationship. I mourned him when I found out about his death however I never once regretted leaving him. I woke up next to the love of my life and not my first love. It was hard letting go but it was for the best. You and Lily deserve to wake up ten years from now and know that you made the right decision.”

While James Potter was having his existential crisis Severus Snape was at home punching a wall. He hated the fact that with just one conversation James could still fuck him up like this. He thought that he had moved passed James fucking Potter but he hadn’t. 

Everything about him drew him in and Severus desperately wanted his heart back. James was the one person in this world that would never give him his heart in return.

He wondered how James Potter could still reduce him to a fool even after all this time. 

Adrianna heard about Severus bumping into his ex and she desperately wished that she had been there. She wished that she had punched the ass in the face. He played so many mind games with Severus it wasn’t even funny. 

The bastard didn’t even care about how much he hurt Severus or maybe he never understood what it felt like to love someone and know that they would never love you in return.

Severus spent the next few days lost in the haze of memories. He found himself humming that song that he heard when he woke up. He still wasn’t sure how he was able to glimpse the future that he had seen but he had seen something. That song haunted his dreams sometimes. 

_ Hold me like we’re going home _ _  
_ _ turn your tears to rain _ __  
_ Bury me beautiful _ _  
_ __ Heaven knows how I loved you

Adrianna pulled on an old shirt that belonged to Severus and dragged him out of the basement. He turned the place into his potions lab and had been brooding in there ever since his meeting with James.

It was their movie night. She already bust the popcorn and had the telly all set up with a whole bunch of classic horror movies. She was sure that Severus needed to go back. He had run from the magical world and all the problems that it gave him and he was still running. He wouldn’t move on until he faced everything that he was hiding from but for now she would give him as much peace as she could.

He had to choose to go back when he was ready. No one could force him or make the decision for him. ‘Soon.’ She thought to herself, ‘Not yet but soon.’

Severus sighed and felt at peace for the first time since he saw James. Adrianna loved to be cuddled and honestly he had been a bit touch starved. He craved the platonic cuddles that they shared. This was so much better than the hell that his life would have been.

He was a Potions master and once the war was over he could publish his work. He brewed his potions and researched whenever he could. He fought in the club for stress relief and he had Adrianna. 

The brat who had barged into his life, cooked him meals and bothered him with questions. She cared about him. She was his friend and he hoped that he would be a better friend to her than he had been to Lily. Then again she was less judgmental and he didn’t have to prove anything to her.

He missed the magical world. However he did not miss being in the middle of that godforsaken war. This was better he decided. He was content here.

Severus went upstairs to get a blanket when he felt the wards fall. His eyes widened as he grabbed his wand and yelled for Adrianna to run. He already told her about the war and how he had left it all behind. She knew that if something like this happened she was supposed to run.

The doors and windows burst open and Severus paled when he heard the insane laughter of Bellatrix Lestrange. He recognized the Lestrange brothers as well as Peter Pettigrew. Bellatrix charged into the house throwing blasting spells and cutting curses at the walls and the roof.

Debris went flying everywhere and Severus brought the ceiling down on top of them all. Adrianna had dived into the kitchen when Severus brought his bedroom down into the lounge. He ran down the steps and found himself dueling the Lestrange brothers.

He hissed when a curse stuck his arm. It had been so long since he was in a magical fight but fighting had always come easy to Severus. He dodged two killing curses, summoned some debris and cast sectumsempra at the younger Lestrange brothers throat.

Rodolphus hit the ground in front of his feet with a bombarda and Severus hit the ground. Rodolphus threw several curses at him and Severus rolled through the floor and took cover behind the broken telly. He threw a frantic look towards the kitchen when he heard a gun go off.

“We were looking for Potters mudblood. We had the rat trail him and instead of the mudblood we found you Snape.”

Another reducto which forced him to dive for cover elsewhere and Rodolphus carried on chatting to him in that childishly polite voice. He wondered for a moment if Bellatrix picked up her husbands speech pattern or if he learned it from her.

“We find one of our most promising recruits shacked up with a filthy little muggle bitch. Now we can’t have that can we?”

Severus felt his heart turn to ice when he heard the sound of a gunshot again. While Rodolphus was distracted by the sound Severus charged. He fired several blasting and cutting curses all of which hit its target. He left both Lestrange brothers in a puddle of their blood as he ran for the kitchen.

Several things happened at once almost as if it were happening in slow motion. Bellatrix screeched, the house exploded, the dark mark was cast by Bellatrix and Severus was thrown out of the house and onto the grass outside. 

The aurors apparated onto his lawn as Bellatrix disapparated leaving him with a burning house and the dark mark hanging above it. There was blood pounding in his ears and he scrambled to feet. He stared at the house and everything that he had tried to build as it burned to the ground.

The grass was cold underneath his bare feet. He was wearing a pair of ratty old sleeping pants and nothing else. Adrianna had been wearing his shirt. Frank Longbottom recognized Severus Snape and his eyes widened as he took in the tattoos that covered his body. 

‘He doesn’t have the dark mark.’ He thought to himself. 

Severus barely registered the fact that Sirius Black and James Potter were part of the auror force that had reacted to the mark being cast. He stared at the house and for a moment everything was silent. He raised his wand and waved it in complex motions. His voice casting a chant that sounded haunting to everyone there.

The aurors watched wide-eyed as the house flared gold as the runes came alive. The flames were snuffed out and the house started to repair itself. Severus marched into the house, his mouth a thin line as he stepped into the self-repairing house. 

Sirius Black couldn’t believe that he was looking at Severus Snape. He had hated the other man so much that he nearly got him killed. He never understood what it was about him but Sirius hated him. He was pretty sure it everything. He was a Slytherin, a dark wizard and he loved dark magic. He was everything his mother would have wanted in a son.

Now two years after they graduated Hogwarts Sirius had become an auror and he had seen things that he never believed to be possible. He had seen a Gryffindor turn his back on his friends and take the dark mark. This was one of those things that he never believed would ever be possible. 

He never expected to see Snape in a muggle neighborhood especially since he was  _ unmarked _ . 

He never thought that he would one day receive a call of death eaters attacking a muggle neighborhood and find himself standing on the lawn of Snape. His house on fire, the dark mark hanging above it and Snape was going back in. Why in Merlins name would he ever want to go back in there? 

Sirius and James followed him through the front door. They recognized the Lestrange brothers lying in the lounge in a puddle of blood. Peter was in the doorway of the kitchen with a shotgun hole in his chest. Sirius and James cursed when they saw him, dressed as one of them, dead in Snape’s home.

A few feet in front of him was a young woman wearing what must have been Snape’s old shirt was lying face down in the kitchen. Sirius watched as Snape hit his knees. His hands were shaking as he turned her over so that he could see her face.

James sucked in a breath as they saw her vacant eyes. She was young and pretty enough. She wasn’t eye-catching or obviously beautiful like Lily. She had waist length brown hair. Her eyes were once honey brown and she had a lot of freckles on her face. She was rather normal he supposed.

Severus however cradled her dead body. Sirius watched as he smoothed out the hair from her eyes and kissed her forehead with a tenderness that he did not know the Slytherin possessed. He ran a finger down her cheek and closed her eyes.

‘Thank you for loving me.’

Sirius heard him say it and watched as his magic began to whirl around him and he screamed. It was the sound of a wounded animal. The cry of a man who had lost something he dearly loved.

Frank Longbottom strode forward and called his name and Severus stared at him for a moment. James watched as Severus closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths and stood up. They could all see the emotion drain out of his eyes until they were staring at lifeless orbs.

“Peter Pettigrew had been following James Potter. They were looking for his girlfriend but instead he met me. Peter followed me home and they attacked.”

James felt his eyes widen and his face pale when Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, “Why did you meet with Auror Potter?”

Snape snorted as he opened cupboards in the kitchen, “He found me. He checked my arm for the dark mark and asked why I wasn’t running around with my roommates. I told him to piss off because I didn’t want any part of the war. Fucking pointless, where’s the damn alcohol you blasted woman?”

Alice Longbottom raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Snape stopped slamming cupboard doors and looked at her, “I left Hogwarts as soon as I finished my NEWTS. I didn’t give a rats ass about the war then and I didn’t want any part of it. No one knew where I was. Some people thought I was dead and I was happy to let them think it.”

He paused for a moment before adding, “If you’re asking why I’m banging cupboard doors open its because I’m going to drink myself into unconsciousness. However Adrianna wouldn’t bloody let me keep alcohol in the house.”

Frank snorted, “You expect us to believe that Severus Snape bowed to whims of a tiny slip of a girl?”

Snape just looked at him, “I don’t care what you believe. I want you to take those bodies and get the fuck out of my house. I don’t have the dark mark burned into my arm. You have no reason to arrest me. I got a fucking funeral to plan.”

Frank narrowed his eyes, “Snape.”

Severus turned around and threw a glass. It hit the wall just next to Frank’s head and everyone took a step back from the livid expression on his face.

“She’s dead! I have to go and tell her father that his baby girl is dead. The bastard was a lot of things but he cared about her and I got her killed. She died because she was here and she was here because loved me. Fuck off Auror Longbottom. I don’t owe you people a fucking thing.”

No one had a response to that declaration. As much as they all believed that Snape was a death eater they had no proof that he was one. He killed three death eaters. He had been targeted by death eaters which made him an enemy. The girl lying dead in his kitchen was a muggle as far as they could tell.

There were pictures of her in the house with him. No one had seen or heard from Snape since he left Hogwarts. They truly did not have anything on him. They took the bodies and told him that an auror would be sent to get his statement later.

James left Severus Snape staring out the kitchen window unable to look at the body of the girl he had so obviously loved and lost lying on the floor.

**Chapter four**

The Lestranges death had been discussed during the latest Order meeting. Lily looked shocked and horrified when she found out that Snape killed them. The Prewitt twins knew of Snape. Everyone knew about the magically powerful half-blood that created his own spells and potions. 

They knew because Lily had learned from him. She used everything he taught her but she and everyone else acknowledged that she was missing a lot of information. She used her incomplete information to partner with Remus and other gifted individuals in working to counter the death eaters curses.

They were trying to limit the damage they were doing by being able to undo the damage they did with dark magic. However Lily only managed to crack one or two spells. The rest of it was well beyond her expertise. She just didn’t know how Severus did it.

Lucius Malfoy hadn’t been seen since his wedding. The Lestranges were dead. Dumbledore had found the ring and the cup so far. He had destroyed both and the diary. Albus wondered if the boy would finally return. Minerva had cut into him like a lioness protecting her cubs when she found out what he had done to Severus Snape.

She had never truly forgiven Sirius or James for endangering his life the way they had. She had lost a great deal of respect for him considering the way he had handled the situation. Minerva looked him dead in the eye and told him that as soon as Tom was dead she expected his resignation letter on her desk. He had played with the lives of the students and she would never allow it happen ever again.

Their friendship would never be the same either. He knew that what he had done was wrong but he never expected things to turn out the way they did. He supposed that he could see how badly he had misjudged the entire situation, how badly he had misjudged Severus Snape.

The raid on Diagon Ally had been a surprise but Albus knew that Tom would want to show his strength. He did not expect him to move on such a public place but losing the Lestranges had been a blow that he wouldn’t be recovering from any time soon. The Lestrange fortune had been one of the largest ones he had access to and now it was gone.

James and Sirius arrived with the Order. They hadn’t been on duty today but it was chaos in the alley. People were running, children were screaming, death eaters were tossing around killing curses, blasting curses and cutting curses at everything and everyone in sight.

Sirius blanched when he heard Bella’s insane crackling. She set fire to at least three different shops as she apparated through the alley. The anti-apparition wards were tied to her. She was the only one who could apparate in the alley.

Greyback howled and Remus flinched. The man was utterly insane and given in to the wolf completely. Remus was sure that the man who had bitten him hadn’t been remotely human since he had been bitten. He bit people both in werewolf form and in human form.

Dorcas Meadows had been trapped beneath his incredible bulk as he leered at her. Sirius could see her out of the corner of his eye but they were all stuck dueling death eaters. He was either going to rape her or eat her. Sirius cast his spells faster, trying to get away from the four death eaters in front of him.

James noticed the black mist and paled. He really hoped that he wasn’t about to see Voldemort make an appearance during this raid. He was the only one who knew how to fly like that. He was about to call out a warning when the mist, solidified and Severus appeared, wielding a dagger in one hand and his wand in the other hand.

He stuck the dagger into the back of Greybacks throat and viciously slid the knife to the side, ripping out half the mans neck. He then threw the dagger and impaled a death eater in the eye. He turned to mist and cut a bloody arc through the death eaters. He wasn’t even vocalizing his curses. 

Sirius joined him as they stared at the trail bodies, “What is he doing?”

James followed the arc of death and bit his lip, “I have no idea.”

Severus all but threw the Prewitt twins out of his way as he interrupted their duel with Bella. The two of them circled each other for a moment, “You came back.”

It had been a long time since anyone had heard Bellatrix speak in anything but her mocking baby voice. Severus stared at her for a moment before he bowed his head to her briefly, “You brought me here.”

Just like that the moment of clarity was gone. Bella crackled and the two began to duel. Death eaters, order members and civilians were forced to run, duck and get the fuck out of the way as they clashed. 

Their magic swirled around them, the ground trembled, windows shattered from the sheer intensity of the magic in the air. It was like a clash of titans. James had no idea what some of those spells did but he could feel the dark magic that Bella was throwing around like candy. 

Severus didn’t bother to shield himself, he moved like water or a freaking cat. He had debris flying around him constantly and used the debris to intercept many curses. 

“All this for that muggle bitch? You could have been great!” snarled out Bella, throwing a several curses towards him.

Severus dodged two curses and reflected another back at her. When Bella shielded against her own magic being tossed towards her he finally managed to hit her. 

Severus blew up her ankle causing Bella to tumble onto the ground and land in a heap of her skirts, “You took something from me Bella. You took the only person I had left that loved me.”

Bella fired two more curses before he disarmed her as she hissed, “You’re weak.”

Severus blew up her hand that was inching towards a portkey that she kept hidden on her person, “Yet I hold your life in my hands. You are the reason I am here Bella. If you had left me alone I would never have come back. I never wanted any part of the war.”

Bellatrix laughed, “My Lord will kill you.”

Severus raised an eyebrow, “Tell him to send an army.”

Severus didn’t use his wand to kill Bellatrix. He snapped her neck with his bare hands and then he stood up as the wards fell. He stood over her dead body and he didn’t move. He just stared at the broken body of the witch at his feet. There was an odd emotion in his eyes that James couldn’t name.

Albus Dumbledore came as soon as he could which was with the aurors. He had been tied up at the ministry until he got the news that someone out there was slaughtering death eaters.

He looked at the man Severus Snape had become and he felt his heart sink. He never wanted this for the man. The time they spent together during his seventh year made him mourn the fact that he had never tried to help him sooner that he never tried to reach out to the boy. 

There had been so much potential and he had done so much good. He had been so brave to spy on such dangerous people but he was also cold. He didn’t trust Albus and he had only himself to blame for that. He was disgusted by them all. The dark side and everything they represented and the light and how they had overlooked his suffering and in his case enabled his suffering.

Albus had not been surprised when Severus had fled Hogwarts. He was not surprised that he was not informed that he was leaving. He just hoped that the boy would find whatever he was looking for and that he would finally know peace.

Now he stood in the middle of a slaughter and he knew that there was going to be a reckoning. He wondered about the muggle girl that was murdered in his home. He never assumed anything about their relationship but it seemed like he had cared enough to seek vengeance for her death.

“I did not think I would ever see you again Severus.”

His words cut through the numerous aurors and their attempts at questioning him. Severus turned and faced Dumbledore for the first time in two years. 

“If it had been up to me you never would have seen me again.”

People were getting restless as they searched out their loved ones, “Shall we?”

Severus stared at him and his eyes flashed, “Do I have a choice?”

Albus raised an eyebrow, “I think we both know you’ve already made your choice.”

Severus found himself in Potter cottage three days after the raid on Diagon Alley. It was a two bedroom house that wasn’t being used currently by the Potter family. It was also the base of the Order of Phoenix. He had never been here in the other life. 

He met with Dumbledore in his office but he never attended an Order meeting during the first war. His status as a spy had only come out when he had been on trial as a death eater. He had become the Potions Professor at the age of nineteen and used his status as a professor to meet with the headmaster. He never needed to meet with anyone else.

Severus sat in the corner of the room looking out the window as he heard members of the Order arrive. He held in his hand her rosary, tracing the beads and taking comfort in the necklace.

He never wanted to be part of this but his hand had been forced. He would have to see Lily and James together. He would have to deal with Black and Lupin. He would have to deal with all these bloody Gryffindors and their holier than thou attitudes. 

Dorcas Meadows stared at him in awe. The Prewitt twins shared a grin. Lily and James stared at him in shock neither knowing what to say to him. 

“Now that we’re all here we can get started.”

Molly Weasley eyed him, “Who is he?”

Albus smiled at them, “We have a new recruit Severus Snape.”

Severus listened with half an ear as they talked about death eater movement. Moody commented on how there had been no movement in Malfoy manor and Severus snorted. All eyes turned to him as he chuckled, “Do you know something boy?”

Severus rolled his eyes, “Malf is gone and you won’t see him until the war ends.”

Moody eyed him, “Lucius Malfoy has not been seen since his wedding. What do you know?”

“He ran.” Replied Severus not bothering to look at Moody.

Moody looked like he wanted to strangle Snape and Albus put a calming hand on him. 

“Severus?” 

James and Sirius watched as Snape eyed Dumbledore out of the corner of his eye and sighed, “Abraxas Malfoy was a dedicated death eater. Selene Malfoy, Lucius’s mother had been born a Lovegood. She ensured that Abraxas didn’t get much of a chance to spend any time with his son.”

He ignored the muttering from Black when he heard from which family the Lady Malfoy had been born from, “She couldn’t put a stop to all their interaction but she tried her best. That resulted in Lucius becoming a pureblood bigot but he never had the stomach for violence and cruelty like his father.”

Lily couldn’t help but narrow her eyes, “Are you trying to say that Lucius Malfoy is some sort of saint?”

Severus glanced at her and something flashed in his eyes that James couldn’t name. Lily however flushed under his gaze suddenly feeling very foolish.

“Malf always suspected that his mother had been murdered by his father. He only married her because she was from a light family and boosted the Malfoy reputation since Abraxas’s father had been vocal in his support towards Grindelwald. For all his faults Malf loved his mother and he trusted her more than he ever trusted his father.”

Lily couldn’t seem to meet his gaze anymore and looked at the floor. She knew that she had just been reprimanded and she couldn’t help but feel naïve.

Moody snorted, “I suspected that something was fishy in Selene’s death. What does all that old news have to do with this war?”

Snape glanced at Moody before turning back to the window, “Malf is a pureblood bigot. He is prejudiced towards muggles and muggleborns. He made exceptions towards those he thought would be useful in the future but he was afraid. Unlike his father he was afraid of what would happen to him if he failed Him. Malf also loved Narcissa. For all his arrogance and pompous attitudes he loved her.”

Albus felt his eyebrows raise, “Are you saying Lucius Malfoy chose love over power?”

Snape snorted, “No. He fucked up.”

Minerva admonished him for his language, Molly choked and Moody growled out, “How?”

“Technically I screwed him over.”

Albus understood when Severus looked at him and nodded, “The book was in his possession?”

Severus nodded, “It was in Malfoy manor given to Abraxas not Lucius. He didn’t know what it was only that he was supposed to safeguard it after his father died. When it went missing he feared for Narcissa’s life and his own. He put the manor on lockdown and ran. He doesn’t know its gone, only that Lucius fled. At his core Lucius is a coward. The only thing he values more than himself is Narcissa.”

Moody stared at them, “You’re the one who found the book?”

Snape nodded, “I’m the one who gave him all the information he used to clean out the ministry in my seventh year.”

Lily stared at him wide eyed, “You were spying on the death eaters?”

Severus didn’t bother to answer her. He started playing with the beads on the rosary again, ignoring her.

“You did so much good. Why did you leave?” asked Fabien.

He was an auror. He knew that Dumbledore and Moody had gathered them, Potter, Black, The Longbottoms, Kingsley and Amelia Bones and cleaned out the auror corps. Afterwards they cleaned out the rest of the ministry. It had been turning point in the war.

“You expected me to risk my life for people who look at me like I’m scum beneath their boots? I passed on the information I had because I made a deal. Dumbledore wiped all records in the ministry of me. I disappeared and no one knew where I was until Potter found me.”

His words were cold and dismissive towards them. Dumbledore called the meeting to a close and people started leaving in dribs and drabs. Lily walked up to Severus and reached out to touch the rosary in his hand. James watched as he recoiled and grabbed her wrist.

“Do not touch it!” he hissed at her and Lily looked at him wide eyed.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered and Severus snorted, “I don’t need your apology Evans. I just don’t want you to break it.”

“Severus?” she questioned and he glared at her.

“Do you suddenly forgive me? Are we best friends again?” he snarled out and Lily almost took a step away from him. She flushed, “It wasn’t what you said that angered me so much Severus. It was what it meant about the path you were taking.”

Severus laughed at her, “You know what your problem is? You see the world in black and white. You never listened Lily not then and not now. You wanted me to declare my support to the light at the top of my lungs. Climb up onto the Slytherin tables and denounce blood purity and shout my blood status for all the world to hear. Am I right?”

Lily just glared at him, “You spent all your time with them. You agreed with them when they called people mudblood and blood traitor. Yes Sev, I wanted you to choose me over them.”

Severus just sighed and shook his head, “I would have been dead within the week.”

Lily felt her jaw drop, James and Sirius blanched at the deadpan tone of his voice and Severus just went back to playing with the rosary, “What do you mean?”

“I was the son of a disowned pureblood heiress Lily. I was a half-blood in Slytherin with no family fortune, no connections to anyone important and no one to protect me. If I had done what you wanted me to do then they would have killed me. I had nothing to offer them in return for neutrality. I was powerful and intelligent and it was advertised which practically sealed my fate.”

James couldn’t help but ask, “What are you talking about?”

Severus rolled his eyes, “They wanted my spells and potions and my power. I had no one to protect me and no sway over my housemates. If I cut my connections to my roommates I would have become an outcast in my own house. I wasn’t welcomed to the rest of the school because I was a Slytherin so what did you expect me to do?”

Lily just shook her head as she tried to come up with a solution, “If I turned down their offer I would have been killed. I would have become a loose end so yes Lily I ignored what they said and did and I helped them when they asked. I passed along the information I got to Dumbledore and I disappeared. I managed to save myself until your boyfriend found me.”

Severus looked at her for a moment longer before turning away from the window, “I’m done begging for your forgiveness. Things aren’t black and white and you and I live in vastly different worlds. If it means anything Evans I’m sorry I hurt you but I’m done begging you to try and understand the position I was in. My friendship with you put a target on my back and you never cared.”

Lily grabbed his arm, “Why didn’t Lucius protect you from them?”

Severus just looked at her for a moment until he laughed. Several people in the room turned around and looked at him in shock.

“Are you really this fucking naïve?” he replied and James glared at him.

Severus just rolled his eyes, “Malf couldn’t turn his back on his father. He would have been disowned. That might mean nothing to Sirius Black but it meant something to Lucius. Black went running to the Potter family and their fortune when his parents kicked him out. Lucius would have been left penniless, without a home or anyone to turn too. He would have lost his marriage contract to Narcissa as well.”

Lily just stared at him, “Its easy to preach about doing the right thing Lily when you’ve got nothing to lose. I would have been killed if I spoke out. Lucius would have lost everything he has. The Potters, the Prewitts and Longbottoms were smarter. They didn’t involve themselves with Him. Malf never had a choice, none of us did but those who were smart ran when they got the chance.”

Then Snape frowned and he ran his hands over the rosary again, “I ran Lily and I still paid the price of betraying them. They killed her first so that I would live knowing that she died because of me. If they find Malf they will make Narcissa beg for death because breaking her would break him. We stabbed the devil in the back but that still isn’t good enough for you is it?”

Snape disapparated and Lily just stood there pale and shaking. They had just gotten a glimpse of the other side of the war and found that there were people on that end. For so long they had seen Slytherins as less than human now they were forced to realize that they were people as well. They were being forced to make hard choices for the people that they loved and no one had ever known.


End file.
